guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The uberlube is also flammable
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
