And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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