You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
