i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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