Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize