Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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