okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
