My nipple is on Facebook.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so let's talk penis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The Olympian is in my bed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
