he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
