You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
