I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't turn off my feet"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I FOUND THE LEGS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
