My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
