Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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