Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
