I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
