i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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