brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
