Are we in a gay sports bar?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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