i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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