so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
