What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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