Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
