Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
