he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
