the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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