That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
