How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The air taste purple.
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