Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
