This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
