Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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