just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
