Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
