my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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