cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
