I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
