Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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