Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize