I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
