He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
