yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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