I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I want a musical about memes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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