I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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