dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
