I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
