You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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