Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
