On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize