i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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