My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He passed out mid-signature
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
