We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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