I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
