i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
