i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
