I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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