You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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