I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
