I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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