just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
