belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
