I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
