There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
