I hate your face
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
