I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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