Having a random hookup so left but love u
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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