East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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