the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
