Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
