So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
