I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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