its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
