Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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