woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
be right there i have to get my cape
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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