Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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