Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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